I am not a baby!

Today I'm just having a pity party for myself I guess. Some days are harder than others being away from my family. We moved to Iowa some time ago and EVERYONE is back home in the Tri-State area (Ohio, Kentucky, Indiana) near Cincinnati. There was a death in our extended family this past week and I wanted to go home so bad, I wanted to be with my family, not just to see them and comfort them but for a selfish reason too. I guess I needed to see them and be comforted that they're still there. Even with all of today's technology there is still nothing like feeling the arms of someone you love wrapped around you and seeing their actual face in person, feeling their energy.  My parents are getting older too, my dad just had a triple bypass last year. That was so scary, I'll never forget how he looked after the surgery when he was on the ventilator. They tell you what he'll look like but nothing can really prepare you for the shocking reality of it. I want to be home so bad, I want to be with my family so bad. Is it so wrong to feel that way? I'm here with my husband and my 13 year old step-daughter but I feel like I'm all alone.  I'm going to be 44 years old, why do I feel like this? I feel like an alien and my "lifeforce" is being drained because I'm away from my planet. Obviously God has me here for a reason, I know this, I've already seen the HUGE miracles in my husband especially. Oh my gosh, what is wrong with me? I'm not a 3 year old that needs her mommy! Is this what I'm supposed to learn? How to be alone? How to live without my family? Why is it me? Why was I the one sent away? Why did I have to move? Why did my husband lose his job? Why did we have to lose our house? Lots of people don't live near their families right? Lots of people don't even like their families!! Send them away!

I can do this! ....... I do all things through Christ who strengthens me! .... Dear God please help me I pray...........

My family in 2009 when we left, it's grown more since then!

MY Grandma - she's 91 now!

My brother and his wife

My sister, her husband and my niece

My Mom and Dad

I love them and miss them all so much!

God bless them all and keep them safe!

Amen

My First Blog Post!

Ok, So this is my first blog post, I'm not really sure what to say so I guess I'll just say I'm glad that you're reading this because that would mean that I'm not a total failure and something about my blog at least looked somewhat interesting to you. Like I said in my "about me" section, I'm working from home now doing my own artwork and trying to sell it online and on etsy, etc and I really miss working in an office environment. Even though there was a lot of drama and gossip... I miss it! My life is soooo boring right now! My husband would say "Good!" but I feel really lonely most of the time. Right now I have one step-daughter who is 13 (Maddy) who lives with us and is in the full throes of teenagerdom and sometimes (sometimes!) I even miss her eye rolling and sighs of disgust when she's at school! I know! How crazy is that!?! Please don't ever tell her that either!! We have a dog, a Pit Bull named June, but she sleeps a lot and doesn't talk back much. I haven't made many friends here in Iowa, I've only lived here for a little while and it seems most people my age (I'm 43) already have such busy lives with their children and an already full circle of friends. I find myself for the first time actually lonely. Well, thank God for the internet anyway and for my church. I started volunteering in the office so I get to go there for a few hours every Friday and I just love it! Although last friday there was a huge mistake made and the Easter booklets were all stapled wrong, like really wrong, like sort of backwards, so all the staples had to be removed and restapled and there was like 500 or more! I should have caught it earlier, but I didn't. I don't think I will be offered a real job there anytime soon. How humiliating......it was just stapling! Have I lost my edge for work? I haven't "worked" in over a year now. I used to be good, I used to be like the best, now I feel old and sort of useless, I'm not sure why. Why do I still need a paycheck to tell me I'm worth something. That is just silly! I know this! but yet it still bothers me......