K is for Kidding, L is for Lying and M is for Myself

So I know I'm kind of doing my own take on the Alphabet challenge for April and I wasn't able to write everyday this past weekend, so today I'm going to do K, L and M. They go perfectly together especially for what I did today. I joined Weight Watchers again today. I did their program last year and lost about 25 pounds, I have kept about 20 of it off but you see I can't lie to myself anymore, I am morbidly obese. Like for real. I normally NEVER talk about my actual weight! Even when I was going in for surgery I made sure that my weight wasn't openly discussed. So here it goes....   I weighed 277.8 this morning at my first weigh-in. I figure if I'm going to do this, if I'm going to really do this, then I have to do things differently so I might as well announce it to the world. My husband used to smoke almost 2 packs of cigarettes a day and through the Grace of God he was able to quit cold turkey, so if he can do it, why can't lose weight? I know all things to do! I've done every program they have out there! But yet here I sit, still so ashamed of this "addiction", this thing I cannot control! I ended up in the ER over the weekend for a very bad migraine and my husband was standing right next to me when the nurse asked my weight. I was MORTIFIED! I know my husband loves me, but I think God has put blinders on him to make him not see my weight. I had to say my weight out loud, there it was for the first time, the first time "it" was ever said in front of him. I was humiliated, I couldn't look at him. He said nothing. He still hasn't said anything. I'm still afraid to ask him about it, it had to be a shock for him to hear those numbers. I'm 5'3" and he's 6'5" and I weight more than he does. I'm going to use this as a turing point for me, I am entering a transistion phase right now, with God's grace I will change!  No more kidding myself, no more lying to myself!